bipolar
by trustthewonderland
Summary: Well sooo my first fanfiction, I hope you enjoy reading. :)) Alice Bell decides to start a therapy. Guess who is the psychiatrist.
1. Chapter 1

I was struggling with my mental illness now for 3 years. But the last month was the worst. I could be happy if I fell asleep

before 4am.I hate that. And that's why I decided to start a therapy, I really want to get my shit together.

I was sitting in the waiting room, as exactly at 6 pm the door opened. 'Hello Miss Bell, please come in' said an exorbitant

good looking man. He looked directly at me and I felt like his eyes were digging trough me. As in slow motion I stood up

and walked past him but not without trying to catch his scent. He smelled like an old classy perfume, which made me close

my eyes for a millisecond.

He closed the door behind us and pointed to one of the two leather chairs 'please have a seat' he actually sounds quite

nice. He mumbles a little bit but at the same time he articulates clearly.

I chose the right chair and he took the one on front of me. 'Really impressive office you've got here, I bet each book is

worth reading' he nodded and smiled a bit 'thank you, and yes they are' we didn't say anything for a minute, he was just

staring at me. Was he psychoanalysing me even if I haven't said anything? I guess so. I became a little bit nervous but I

tried to hide it as good as I could.

Finally he started to ask me 'So you told me on the cellphone just basic informations, but to construct a complete diagnosis

I need some more. Age, occupational area, chronic diseases, any psychotropics?' Suddenly I felt awkward to talk about all

that. 'Well,' I slipped back and forth on my chair '20, single, I'm studying neuroscience, no chronicle diseases and I'm

taking antidepressants since 6 month now' he lists everything I said in his black book, closed it and looked at me. 'How do

you feel?' 'At the moment? Tired just tired. It has completely changed the last month. Eight weeks ago I worked all day and

all night without becoming tired, not even a little bit, and now the complete opposite. I feel like I'm drowning.' 'So your

bipolar disease didn't change, even after your last therapist prescribed you your medicine? And I suppose as an budding

neuro scientist you know up there is everything all right' he points to my head and smirked. I couldn't help but smirk back

'of course Dr. Lecter' I replied with an extreme fitted south English accent, 'and no nothing has changed'. He frowned and I

could see him thinking. He looks good while he does that. In his suite, in his office, his attitude, his intelligence, quite

engaging.

My mimic must have change, because he laughs and leans forward. 'How long have you been single?' That was not a

question I expected 'well actually since birth' I laughed 'I just had a few... Well I don't think you can call themrelationships.

So no relationship'

He stood up, walked to the window. Oh yes please his back, Jesus.

He turned around 'maybe we need to change that'.


	2. Chapter 2

I was lying on my bed, watching the ceiling, around me my whole wardrobe. Since one hour I tried every combination but

still wasn't sure about what I wanted to wear.

Private dinner at Dr. Lecters house, he is going to cook. 'I hope you aren't vegetarian' he had said yesterday while

escorting me outside. 'No I am not' 'Then I will see you tomorrow evening' he said while bowing a bit.

I rolled down the bed to take a shower. I took my best smelling shampoo and shower cream. The hot water ran over my

body. I closed my eyes as I shampooed my body, humming to 'arrival of the birds'. I started massaging my boobs and my

nipples got hard as I imagined my hands were Hannibals. I run my hands down my belly over my hip bones to my genital

area. I put my head back and opened my mouth a bit. My stomach tightened. I stopped. What did I just thought? He is just

my psychiatrist, I hardly know him. He could be a psychopath who's is going to eat me or something else. I thought about

that for a moment Hannibal the cannibal, well that would be too obvious. Being alone so long has taken almost every

feelings I ever had except the negative ones especially doubts but fortunately my silly humour won't let me alone. When

will my perception stop deluding me. I pulled my hair so the pain brought me back to reality.'okay calm down' I whispered

to myself.

After I blow dried my hair and put make up on I looked in the mirror. I guess I look fine.I decided to wear a dark red short

dress which wasn't too short and black high heels actually it looked casual and dressy at the same time. My copper red hair

flows over my breasts and framed my pale face. Just one 360 degree turn, deep inhale and exhale I can stand this I

thought as I left.

At 8 o clock I knocked at his door. I could already smell our dinner and it smelled really good. 'Good evening' he opened

the door with a cold and at the same moment friendly facial expression. I couldn't help but examining him and so did he.

He was wearing a black suit with an white button-down shirt and a navy blue tie. His hair was combed back and and he

didn't shaved today, but that didn't bother me not even a bit. I fainted mentally.

'Good evening Dr. Lecter' I tried to smile a not nervous smile. 'Today it is Hannibal, please come in'

I entered the hallway. The ground was paved with black marble, the walls were white. The complete house had a modern

and cold touch but not deterrent. I walked along the hallway and ended up in his kitchen. Classical music was playing in

the background quietly.

On the cooker and counter were like one dozen of pans and pots. 'Really impressive' I couldn't deny myself as I looked

around. 'Thank you, the dining room is to the right, please have a seat and ill bring the first course'. First course okay

then. 'Bouillabaisse and Château Latour' we nodded and took a sip. I actually don't like wine but this one tasted as

delicious as the soup.

'La viande de bovins'. also this one tasted fantastic. I cut the meat, and put it in my mouth. I closed my eyes in pleasure

and almost moaned. 'This is the best meat I've ever eaten, one day you need to tell me where you got this and how you

made it'

He didn't answer he just observed me while I was eating. Every piece I put into my mouth were followed by his eyes until

my lips closed. After I swallowed the last piece, he looked directly into my eyes. His pupil widened. 'I think it's time for the

dessert' oh shit. I felt my face becoming hot. I looked down to my lap. He smirked, stood up and took my plate and

streaked across my back with his elbow. His touch made me shiver. I sat there with increased heart rate. Okay deep inhale

and exhale. I started laughing hysterically in my mind. He served the dessert and leaned a bit against me. I started

laughing. 'What is so funny?' asked he as he pours the sixth glass wine and straightened his jacket.

'Nothing, I guess the alcohol shows its effect and in addition a good meal and a nice partner to talk boosts my mood'

We ate the dessert, talked and drank wine.

After a while I checked the time. It was way too late. 'I don't want to be rude but its time for me to go, I have a lecture

tomorrow' 'it's okay, I'll drive you home'

I sat next to him in his car. And my thoughts were running. He drives me home and I'm pretty sure I'm too shy to ask him

if he wanted to stay. But maybe I could ask him if I can kiss him at least on the cheek. People do this as a thank you, don't

they?

'So we are here' he said and turned off the engine. 'Well, yes, thank you' I smiled at him,' is it really weird to ask people to

kiss them on the cheek after a nice evening?'

He looked at me amused 'I think it is polite' 'okay is it okay then when I would kiss you?' He didn't said anything. He turns

around and run with his thumb along my jaw line to my lower lip. I put my hand into his neck and leaned forward. He

turned his head a little bit, I could already feel his breath on my skin. Our lips met. I could feel his stubble on my face and

smelled his scent. It was just a short and tender kiss until he ended.'A good night then we will see us tomorrow' he said

and I went out of the car into my house and leaned against the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

I was sitting in the lecture. I'm going to have therapy this evening. I cancelled every single

one this week, I was afraid of seeing him again. I kinda felt something for him but it still

seems to me that it was just a kiss out of politeness. I really regret asking him. I thought it

would let my self esteem grow at least a bit, but its the complete opposite.

I sat in his waiting room, kneading the leather on the armrest of the chair. The door clicked  
and opened. My pulse races. He stand in the door, his dark red shirt rolled up, his  
forearms free. The blood in in my head seems to float out of my body. 'Good evening Alice  
please come in' he said with blank expression. My legs almost didn't allow me to walk past  
him and I was glad that I could sit again. He looked kinda stressed to me. He wasn't  
wearing a jacket as he always did and he didn't moved as reserved as always. He took his  
black notebook and sat down in front of me. 'How are you feeling today?' 'Good...' I  
stuttered and he examined me for a long minute. 'No you don't' he leaned forward, leaning  
his forearms on his thighs. God his forearms. His glance became cold. 'You felt and you  
still feel guilty for asking to kiss me last week and you were so afraid of seeing me again  
that you canceled every meeting this week' he stood up and walked to the window folding  
his hands behind his back. 'You sat at home and at the university everyday thinking about  
me and how you are going to handle this situation. I bet you even cried.' I couldn't say  
anything. I just sat there, tears burning in my eyes. The amount of his intelligence and  
ability to analyse me really scared me.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to reply but he turned his head a bit around  
'please before you answer, drink your tea!' I did as he told me and drained it.

As I put the cup back on the table, I became a little bit dizzy. I looked down to my hands,  
they were sweaty. 'What did you gave me?' I wasn't able to speak loud, any doubts or  
fears were gone. 'Just a harmless plant to calm you down, which allows me to speak with  
your true self, not being disturbed by your fear.' His voice circulated in my head, filling  
every inch of my body, my stomach tightened, I drew a breath through my teeth with a  
hiss. I stood up walking towards him, reaching my hand out and sliding along his back,  
watching him. I felt his muscles moving under my touch. It was a beautiful thing to  
observe, how his shirt became tight, his shoulder blades sticking out, moving. 'So what if I  
feel attracted to you' he turned to me slowly 'I know that you are. Since you walked into my  
office the first time. Your breath had become faster and your pupils wider every time I  
looked at you' I went one step further, I stood really close to him now, moving my hand  
slowly over his chest down his tie and stomach to the front of his pants. I wanted to feel  
every inch of his body now, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the soft fabric mixed with the  
warmth of his body. He looked at me, his eyes almost black while I continued stroking his  
crotch, I could already feel him getting harder when I felt one of his hands on my throat,  
closing it. I couldn't breathe, I stared back into his eyes, I trust him. Why? I have no idea.  
My sight became blurry as he suddenly pushed me against the wall loosen his grip. He ran  
along my jaw line to my lower lip with his thumb, our faces just a hands width apart. He  
pushed my chin now gently up to his, his warm breath moving over my face, I wrapped my  
arms around his neck as he started kissing me.

The kiss was hardly intense as he let go of me, walking back to his desk, cleared it, took  
his shoes off. He moved straight back to me, buried his hands in my hair, inhaled it deep  
before he started kissing me again, but this time way more desperate and seductive.  
Hannibals tongued slipped into my mouth, exploring it, his hand now lifting up my dress,  
stroking my naked thighs. I pressed my body against him, wanted to feel him closer, as I  
took of his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. 'Take your shoes of and wrap your legs around me'  
he breathed into my mouth.

As he carried me to his desk I noticed that 'A Fuoco' by Ludovico Einaudi was playing in  
the background. ' I love this song...' I whispered and he smiled at me while he striated my  
dress over my head. For a second he just stood there and observed me before he took his  
shirt off. I felt his breast hair on my stomach as his lips and tongue travelled down my neck  
to my breast playing with my nipples. I laid my head back and pressed my hips against him  
as he bit me. The sweet pain combined with the lust let me moan. He continued his kissing  
and licking travel down my stomach, my hips to my thighs. Again and again he sucked and  
bit several parts of my body and left dark areas with bite marks. Suddenly impulsive he  
ripped my panties off, making his way across my genital area watching me.

His tongue circled violently around my clit. I gripped his hair and pulled it as he made me  
scream his name. 'No, not yet' he straightened up, his hair now messy in his face, and  
wiped his mouth. I bit my lower lip. He stripped in front of me, so I could enjoy the view.

He stood there with his hand around his erect cock, walking towards me, grabbed my hips  
and thrust into me. My breathing became sharper and heavier. Our body's now rubbing  
against each other in a permanent rhythm. In between he kissed, sucked an bit my neck  
so it must be completely dark by now. I could already feel that I was close as he started  
thrusting harder and faster into me, I could hear and feel his breath becoming heavier.  
'Look at me' he moaned. I did as he wished, and saw his dark eyes before I let go and he  
right after me.

Out of breath, he stroke a hair wisp of hair behind my ear and kissed me intensely before  
he forced me to stand up.

'Close your eyes please' I waited for something to happen, when I heard a draught and the  
noise of cutting meat and felt a warm viscous substance running down my neck. I opened  
my eyes and fell on my knees when I noticed it was my blood flowing out of my throat.

Hannibal stood over me, a scalpel in one hand, with tears in his eyes and on his cheeks.

'I am so sorry' he said with a broken voice 'I had to do it, please understand' I tried to  
answer but I only made some gurgle noises, he had cut trough my air tube. My eyelids  
became heavy. When I opened them again, Hannibal sat in front of me 'I gave you the  
drug, so you were unable to feel pain' over and over again my sight became black, I  
shivered, completely covered in my own blood. 'You need to understand...' Now sobbing  
'I can't have these feelings!' He screamed at me. But I didn't care anymore. The last thing I  
felt was my head smashing on the floor and a warm kiss on my forehead, before  
everything faded to black and I fell into a deep silence.


End file.
